The Land of Smiles
Okay. This is super funny for so many reasons. Thai people are the most incredibly sweet people you’ll ever meet. I admit I’ve not met a person of every culture or nationality, but if people get sweeter than Thais, I’ll eat my hat. In general, Thais do not show frustration or irritation or any other emotion, really, except cheerfulness.
Quite honestly, I’ve never seen a Thai person (aside from pissed off teachers and the aforementioned crazy woman) angry. Melancholy seems to be allowed, but if you rage in public, you’re The Worst Person On Earth. If I were making my own Dos and Don’ts in Thailand list, this’d be numero uno.
So, add to the weird volatile blows of the plastic weapon the sheer shock of seeing a Thai person mad. I was frightened at first. What does one do when a Thai is angry? I’m not sure. Google’s not sure. So, while trying not to pee my pants, I kind of hovered near where Jay was parking the motorbike, waiting in anticipation for him to protect me whilst walking past this maddened woman.
Safety.
We very quickly closed the door to room 86 on the fourth floor and hurried to the balcony so that we could watch the commotion from the shelter of our elevated chamber.
A smart farang lady was heard shouting “call the police” as two security guards held onto each of Maddened Woman’s arms, and seemingly, someone did. At this stage, 20 minutes had passed and she had yelled every Thai swear word (and variation and hybrid) under the sun at her dopey (soon to be ex-) hub.
Thrashing at the staff and struggling against the guards’ grip on each of her wrists, she reminded me of a wound-up, drugged-up scorned lover. She certainly bore her teeth several times.
Fuck. They’ve moved so that the tree’s obscuring my show.
Here’s what I could see through the leaves. A policeman arrived on his motorbike and dismounted, leaving both accompanying batons secured on either side of the bike. My immediate remark to Jay was “How’re they gonna get her to sit still on the back of a bike, while taking her off to jail?”. I’m sure yours wouldn’t have been much different. After a thunderous chat with the still screeching Maddened Woman, the cop appeared to be calling for back-up, or, as Jay joked while he dialed his colleague, checking for Pokemon in the area.
So back-up was called in the form of what we, in South Africa, call a bakkie (which is a light pick-up truck to Americans and I’m sure has many other aliases). This red, inconsequential looking thing claiming to be a vehicle criminals are transported in arrived, carrying several more orange traffic cones (the irony was not lost on me) and two Thai men, clad in super tight-fitting police kit.
At this point, Maddened Woman had turned the volume down a notch and while still audibly complaining to the cops, seemed to have found her chill a bit.
Now, mine and Jay’s comprehension of the Thai language is not the best despite us having lived here for the past 12 months, but, during this lull, we were not discouraged. Out came the trusty iPad and in we typed ‘Thai swear words’. Jay had already added 2 + 2 together and got cheater, and it was clear she was not singing this dude’s praises, so…
Here’s the website we found. http://www.youswear.com/
I was not kidding when I said we heard them all. However, two of these phrases featured most prominently. Liberally sprinkled in her verbal thrashing of her cheating husband were bpai loi, meaning ‘piss off’ and literally pronounced the way it’s spelt, and aye heeah, meaning asshole if you’re a girl reprimanding a guy or ‘slut’ if the situation is reversed. Aye heeah kind of sounds like ‘Ai nee’ if you said it with an Afrikaans accent and were less nasal about the ‘n’.
Education.
I bet you’re on tenterhooks, dying to get to the end of this long-winded story. No, she was not arrested. In fact, it is about 80% possible that the cops called her friend to come and console her, because 5 – 10 minutes after they’d arrived and approximately 30 minutes after the brawl had started, a woman arrived and illegally parked her car in the no parking zone, near where the police were still standing, exited the vehicle and put her arms around Maddened Woman.
I believe the cheating husband was later arrested but doubt he was charged with anything. Best bet is that a large fine was negotiated and paid. Under the table.
Oh. Their 8-year-old son was sitting in the common area the entire time, completely unaffected by his parents’ behavior.
This whole thing blew my mind. And Jay’s. I told a couple of colleagues about it come Monday and was shocked to learn that Thai men do not have to pay for child support, nor do they have any parental rights to their children in the case of divorce. Regarding the former, I’d also be spitting mad if I caught hub with his grubby paws in the cookie jar, him knowing there are ‘minimal’ consequences.
Anyway, back to the box of wine I paid 900 Baht for.
So, Saturday was a change of pace for us & a learning experience. Not to mention entertaining as hell, peeping over the balcony sharing shifty smirks with other snooping residents.
Hard to have ignored, what with that racket.
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